and about my days, I"ll just start confessing a little.
My life has been turning around on me. I loved life
back then but now I just feel like crap. I don't know
the reason of me even existing. There is nothing in
life for me. I lost everything. I lost my friends, my
family, and my love. Well I regained my friends
but its not really the same. I'm starting to lose my
family and losing my love is the worst part ever.
I've been having second thoughts about everything.
I even thought about suicide. But I know that is
a really stupid thing to do. Its not like I can be reborn
into this life so that was a really stupid thought I had.
I love my friends but I feel like they don't understand
what I'm going through. I can tell them everything
but some things that I tell them it just seems like their
all like "Yea. Okay. So what?" I love them and all
but they just don't understand sometimes. I really
need someone to talk to. I think I found someone
but it seems like he's going to criticize me. But then
again it doesn't seem like he will.
My family is starting to fall apart. I know most family's
fell apart already but they were there for me through
my whole entire life. Now they're just going to leave me.
I can't tell my family anything since all my cousins are
fobs and my other cousins are like out of the country or
in another state. I really can't tell them everything since
they're family and they'll just start spreading it. So yeah.
My love life has been ruined also. I really can't take it anymore.
I really want to transfer but he keeps threatening me of
never talking to me anymore. And saying that I'll be
nothing to him if I do transfer. I really can't take it anymore.
I can't just stay there and see him everyday with some other girl.
Nobody really understands what I'm going through. Everyone's
just thinking "Oh yea, he's just a guy who cares." Well they don't
know what I've gone through to be with him. All my friends
turned their backs on me cause I was with him. Everyone
hated me cause of that. I went through everything with him.
I told him everything about what was happening at home and
he helped me through everything. I can't just let him go. I know
that I should since he already let me go a long time ago. I really can't
stand just staying at school anymore. Seeing him hurts me
deeply inside. Everyday I want to break down and cry
until my eyes are cherry red. But I know that I can't always
break down and cry in school. I just have to wait until that 2:30 bell
rings and go to home cry my eyes out. I can't stand it seeing
him everyday just being the happiest he can be without me.
I really can't handle anything anymore. Every time I see
him smile, I think that when we were together, I didn't make him
smile like that. It was some other girl that made him smile like her
never smiled before. It really hurts just being there.
I hate everything about my life. I'm not even sure if my best
friends are going to be there for me in my whole life. I'm
scared of people leaving me. I really hate this feeling.
I really think that everyone in my life will eventually
leave me. I really can't take anything anymore. I just
get hurt every time I talk to someone.
I guess this is how life is suppose to be. I'll just keep living
this life until I wither and die. I really hope that some
miracle will make all my wishes come true. But I highly
doubt that they will come true. That is all my confession
right now. Maybe I'll confess another day. Well for now,
I guess it is farewell to all you readers.
-n a n c y
